BBS Toolkit/BBS Toolkit.iso/wildcat/mpquotes.zip/MPQUOTES.BBS

File List | 1992-09-18 | 7KB | 244 lines

@0E@
"And now on BBC one--Six more minutes of Monty Python's Flying Circus."

@0E@
"Hello, I'd like to buy an argument, please."

@0E@
"SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT!  YOUR KIND REALLY MAKES ME PUKE!"

@0E@
"Allow me to introduce myself; I'm Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment
 Police, Comedy Division, Special FLYING Squad!"

@0E@
"STOP! He who would cross the Bridge of Death
       Must answer me
       These questions three
       Ere the other side he see."

@0E@
"Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot  enough to boil
 a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to
 herself."

@0E@
"G'day Bruce!"

@0E@
"I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and
 remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-bates here."

@0E@
"This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick
 it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand."

@0E@
"Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
 A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed."

@0E@
"This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard."

@0E@
"Ah'm French!  Why do you think I have this out-rrrageous accent?!"

@0E@
"Ah unclog my nose at you! Ah fart in your gen'ral direction!"

@0E@
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

@0E@
"No sir. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir."

@0E@
"Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you."

@0E@
"What a senseless waste of human life."

@0E@
"Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq,
 cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in
 a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and
 lovingly frosted with glucose."

@0E@
"Number five: Ram's Bladder Cup. Now, what sort of confectionery is that?"

@0E@
"All right, I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish."

@0E@
"There's another dead bishop on the landing, Vicar-Sergeant!"

@0E@
"Hello, I would like to buy a fish license, please."

@0E@
"This is a dog license with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in
 in crayon."

@0E@
"Look, it's people like you what cause unrest."

@0E@
"No, Eric the Half-Bee. He had an accident."

@0E@
"Half a bee, Philosophically, Must ipso facto half not bee."

@0E@
"He's that most dangerous of creatures, a clever sheep."

@0E@
"Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor!  Would have been a
 palace to us.  We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish
 heap.  We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting
 fish dumped all over us.  House?  Humph."

@0E@
"You were lucky to have a lake!  There were 150 of us living in a
 small shoebox in the middle of the road."

@0E@
"You were lucky!    We lived for three months in a brown paper bag
 in a septic tank.  We used to have to get up at six in the
 morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work
 down at the mill, 14 hours a day, week in, week out, and when we
 got home our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt."

@0E@
"Luxury.  We used to have to get out of the lake at 3 o'clock in
 the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to
 work for 20 hours, every day for tuppence a month, come home, and
 dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle,
 if we were lucky!"

@0E@
"Well, we had it tough.  We used to have to get up out of the
 shoebox at 12 o'clock at night, and lick the road clean with our
 tongues.  We had 1 handful of freezing cold gravel, work 24 hours
 a day at the mill for four-pence every six years, when we got
 home, our dad would slice us in two with a bread knife."

@0E@
"Right.  I had to get up in the morning at 10 o'clock at night,
 half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of dry poison, work
 29 hours a day down mill, and when we got home, our dad would
 kill us, and dance about on our graves singing hallelujah."

@0E@
"RUN AWAY!!  RUN AWAY!!  RUN AWAY!!  RUN AWAY!!"

@0E@
"Brother Maynard!  Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade!"

@0E@
"Book of Armaments Chapter Two, verses nine through twenty-seven."

@0E@
"Oh Lord, Bless us this Holy Hand Grenade, and with it smash our enemies
 to tiny bits, in thy mercy."

@0E@
"Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest
 thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to-wards thy foe, who, being naughty
 in my sight, shall snuff it."

@0E@
"We are the Knights who say 'Ni'!"

@0E@
"We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm!"

@0E@
"You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never pass
 through this wood alive."

@0E@
"This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere.  Explain again, how sheep's
 bladders can be employed to prevent earthquakes."

@0E@
"We're Knights of the Round Table, We dance whene'er we're able
 We do routines and chorus scenes, With footwork impeccable
 We dine well here in Camelot, We eat ham and jam and spam a lot."

@0E@
"No, on second thought let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."

@0E@
"What's wrong with her?  She's got... HUGE... tracts of land..."

@0E@
"Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day."

@0E@
"Stop this, stop this. What a silly way to carry on.!"

@0E@
"Moose Trained by Yutte Hermsgervprdenbrptenj"

@0E@
"Moose noses wiped by Bjorn Irkestum-Slater Wal"

@0E@
"Who's got a boil on the bum?  Boil on the botty?"

@0E@
"If I could walk that way I wouldn't need after-shave."

@0E@
"I use a body rub called halitosis.  It makes my breath feel sweet."

@0E@
"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

@0E@
"Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge, say no more?"

@0E@
"A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!"

@0E@
"Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?"

@0E@
"If it had come from the zoo it would have "Property of the Zoo"
 stamped on it!"

@0E@
"Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly..."

@0E@
"Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here."

@0E@
"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the finest shimmering samite, held
 aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying that I, Arthur,
 was to carry Excalibur.  That is why I'm your King!"

@0E@
"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for
 a system of government."

@0E@
"Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from
 some farcical aquatic ceremony."

@0E@
"Help, help, I'm being repressed!"

@0E@
"It is I, King Arthur, son of Luther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot,
 king of the Britains, defeater of the Saxons, ruler of all England!"

@0E@
"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"

@0E@
"Well, She turned me into a newt!!"